Higher and Deeper
by thewulf-aloha4ever
Summary: Emma Swan is a graduate student at the University of Hawai'i adjusting to life after a recent breakup. Killian Jones is a postdoctoral scientist with a tragic past. When they're thrown together on a field-trip, sparks begin to fly. A story of growth, friendship, and romance. Please review. :-)
1. Publish or Perish

A/N: Thanks to daxx for the beta!

* * *

 _There is always one last thing that needs to be done_ , thought Emma as she skipped up the stairs of the Marine Biology building at the Manoa campus of the University of Hawai'i. She punched-in the access code and entered the research lab where she worked. A blast of loud music greeted her ears. Her friend Elsa sat hunched over a microscope. It was only seven in the morning, but Emma was not surprised to find her already at work. Researchers worked odd hours, and Elsa was an early bird, while Emma herself was more of a night-owl.

Emma and two other people from the MEMAS research group (short for Marine Ecology, Metagenomics, and Sustainability) were heading out on a field trip up north that morning to collect water and soil samples for their research projects. Emma was hoping that this expedition would help her generate enough data to complete her thesis and get a first-author publication to boot. _Publish or Perish_ was a motto drilled into the head of every science graduate student early and often. Emma had already co-authored a paper, but with a first-author publication, her chances of getting into a top-ranked PhD program would be very high.

Each floor of the Marine Biology building had an open floor plan, which was dedicated to a different sub-specialty of research. This was done to encourage collaboration and sharing of equipment between the various research teams occupying the lab space. There were currently five lab groups in the second floor where Emma worked. Margaret "Meg" No'olan was Emma's thesis advisor. Meg and her husband David No'olan, both tenured professors in the Marine Biology program, team-taught courses and had several inter-connected research projects on fresh- and salt-water fauna and sustainability. They were popularly known as the Polynesian Snow White and Prince Charming. Dr. Regina Mills was making a name for herself in the field of metagenomics. She occasionally sent her team members to the Palmer Research Station in Antarctica. Two more lab groups, headed by Dr. Lilith Mal, and Dr. Archie Hopper, completed the core members of the MEMAS group.

"Hey! Elsa," Emma raised her voice to make herself heard over the music as she walked over to her work station.

"Oh… Hi, Emma! I didn't expect to see you here this morning." Elsa turned to look at Emma, and lowered the volume of the music using a remote. "What're you doing here?"

"I forgot to take the extra sample canisters! I came to grab them. Tiana's waiting for me in the car," explained Emma.

"What about Killian?"

"He's going to meet us at the field site," said Emma. "Once we get there, we're going to shift most of the supplies to his truck."

"I bet he's triple lined the back of his vehicle with bubble wrap in preparation," joked Elsa. The girls laughed.

Killian Jones and Elsa Dell were post doctoral research scientists working for Dr. Mills. Killian and Elsa had returned a few months previously from long stints at Palmer. They were both having a little trouble adjusting to life back in the "real world", even an island paradise like Hawai'i. Elsa had evidently decided that blasting musical numbers on the lab stereo was the best therapy for Reentry Syndrome; Killian's obsession with his truck was perhaps _his_ coping mechanism.

An incoming text message beep sounded, and Emma pulled her phone from her pocket to read the text. She typed out a quick reply.

"Got to go! Have fun with the undergrads." Emma picked up the canisters she had come for.

"Most of them are too scared to talk to me," said Elsa, a little forlorn.

"You do have this aloof ice-princess look going for you!" Emma grinned.

Elsa smiled ruefully. "I'll need to work on that."

"See ya in a couple of days!" Emma waved goodbye as she headed out. Elsa waved back and bent over the microscope again.

As Emma exited the room, she heard the volume of the music go up. Smiling to herself, she walked down to the waiting car. It had been surprisingly effortless to fall into an easy camaraderie with Elsa, despite the nearly 10 year age difference between them. Elsa acted as an amazing soundboard and was helping Emma design experiments for the final stage of her thesis. They had taken to hanging out in their spare time as well. All in all, Elsa was proving to be an invaluable friend and mentor.

"Did you get them?" asked Tiana, as Emma got into the driver's seat of the waiting Austin.

Tiana was a petite woman with a freckled face and reddish blonde hair gathered up in a high ponytail. Like Emma, Tiana was Island born and bred. Being _local_ created an unspoken bond between the two.

"Yup!" Emma strapped herself in and handed over the canisters to Tiana, and pulled away from the parking lot onto the road.

"Do you want me to try and squeeze them back there?" Tiana turned around to check if there was any space in the back seat.

"There's not much space with all the stuff we've stashed there," said Emma. "Can you stow them at your feet for now?"

Tiana did as Emma suggested and added, "Are you sure your tiny little car can make it safely over the H1, Emma?"

"Hey! Don't you dare say anything about my Bug—she's been my faithful companion for four years," Emma remonstrated.

"I just hope your faithful companion is also a sturdy one," said Tiana, with a dramatic sigh. " _I'm_ going to be the one driving her back tonight!" She made air-quotes around the word "her".

"Unless you can fly us there and back, Tiana, this is all we got." Emma gave a pointed look at the other girl. Tiana laughed and stuck her tongue out at Emma.

Tiana was to return back to Manoa that evening with the day's collection. She would begin processing them and get the remainder stored securely in the -80°C freezer. This gave Emma and Killian one more day for sample collection without having to worry about loss of sample integrity.

Emma turned the radio on. Iz's rendition of _Somewhere over the Rainbow_ was playing on KTUH 90.3 FM. The two girls started variously humming and singing along.

It took Emma about an hour and a half to drive to the field site, which was a state park close to Waimea Valley up north. The park had some lovely hiking trails with quite a few natural springs. It was seldom as crowded as the more popular hiking spots on the Island, and made for an ideal location for sample collection.

The security guard manning the park entrance waved them in once Emma handed her their official UH permit for camping and data collection. They located Killian's vehicle easily enough. It was a vintage truck with a license plate that read "JOLLY ROGER". The parking stall by his truck was empty, and Killian stepped out of his vehicle as Emma pulled into the spot. He had dark glasses pushed up on his head, and was attired in a plain black t-shirt and dark blue shorts. It gave him the appearance of being just shy of too lanky. He was of a type commonly termed "Black Irish" in America—dark haired, and with blue eyes that looked like they were "put in with a sooty finger". He was a bit of a flirt, and most undergrads in their building (and quite a few graduate students) drooled over him.

"How can you wear that t-shirt on a day like this?" demanded Tiana as she and Emma stepped out of the car and walked up to Killian. "You're gonna roast like a kalua pig!"

"Don't worry about me, darling. I sweat after-shave," Killian replied with a wink.

Tiana let out a bell like laugh, and punched his arm lightly with easy familiarity. Tiana had done a minor stint at Palmer the year before, and was the only member of the lab who had known Killian and Elsa before they came down. Emma suddenly felt a little conscious of being an interloper. Why had thought it a good idea to tag along on a field trip with people she had never gone with before?

Emma, Killian, and Tiana worked quickly to transfer most of the supplies from Emma's car onto Killian's truck. Killian hadn't exactly triple lined the inside of his truck in bubble wrap, but he _had_ spread a thick rug on the floor. Emma bit her lip to hide her amused smile at Elsa's near-accurate prediction. The only items they did not put away in Killian's truck were the supplies they would need for the day.

"Let's get going, shall we?"

"Gimme a minute," said Emma, as she tied her hair up in a bun, and shoved a baseball cap on her head. "I'm all set."

The three of them set off up the path of the first trail.

They reached their first stopping point in about half an hour. It was a small pool fed by a trickling waterfall. A familiar sign warning people of possible _Leptospira_ in the water stood in front of it. After donning protective gloves and boots, the trio set to work. As there weren't many hikers about, they were able to work in peace. They took readings of water temperature, color, clarity, and so forth, and collected water and soil samples from different depths and distance from the edge of the pool. The samples were then placed in labeled plastic vials containing special transport media.

Emma was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly everything was going, considering this was the first time she had worked with Tiana or Killian. Besides, she was learning some new tips and tricks from them. _I should have done this a long time ago_ , thought Emma. She had only ever gone on field visits with her former boyfriend Neal. They had broken up early summer, and Emma had perforce to find new partners in crime for field visits.

"Alright, there, Swan?"

Emma came to with a start, and realized that Killian had been attempting to hand her some vials.

"Yeah, fine," she mumbled and took the vials from Killian, gathering her thoughts to focus on the task at hand.

It was close to five by the time they were done. Apart from a short break for lunch, they had worked steadily, moving to a few more collection spots before deciding they were done for the day. Packing everything up, they proceeded downhill. Emma felt tired, but she was still hyped up from the day's exertions.

They transferred the day's haul into a special cooler lined with ice packs in the back seat of Emma's car and secured it down with straps. It was about 5:30 PM before they got done, and as Tiana had more work to do once she got back to the lab, she drove off with a brief goodbye. Emma stood looking after her for a moment before turning around and walking back to where Killian was standing.


	2. Starry Night

A/N: Thank you for the reviews. Thank you daxx, for the beta!

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Killian unlocked his truck, and started pulling out his tent and sleeping bag.

"Why don't you grab your things as well, Swan? We ought to set up camp before it turns too dark," he suggested.

Emma started at him blankly for a moment, and then gave a dismayed cry.

"What's the matter?" asked Killian, his attention more focused on his task.

"My sleeping bag and tent are still in the trunk of my car—I forgot to move them to yours," Emma slapped her forehead.

Killian straightened up and looked at Emma with raised brows as she frantically dialed Tiana's mobile number. After about the fifth attempt, Emma turned to Killian. "She's not picking up her phone."

"Knowing Tiana, she's probably blasting the car stereo," was Killian's wry comment.

"By the time she checks her phone, she's gonna be half-way back to Manoa," Emma cried out in frustration.

After a moment's pause, Killian asked, "Would you like me to drive us back to Manoa so we can get it back?"

Emma checked the time on her phone. "Nah... It would be ridiculous to drive all the way across the island and back just for this. I'll sleep outside, no biggie. It's warm out."

"I don't think that's such a good idea, love." Killian looked up at the gathering clouds. "It looks like it might rain later tonight."

"Well, any bright ideas yourself?"

Killian shrugged, "We could share my tent."

Emma was taken aback.

"It's roomy enough for two people. And, don't worry: I'm a perfect gentleman," Killian touched his hand to his heart in an overly theatrical gesture.

Emma's lips turned up despite herself, but she hesitated a little about accepting Killian's offer. It was not that she didn't trust him to behave like a "gentleman", as he called it. She just didn't like asking people for favors. But it was the most practical option available, and Emma really didn't relish the idea of getting soaked to the bone sleeping outside. Even if the park allowed people to sleep inside vehicles on their parking lot (which they did not), Emma wasn't sure Killian would be happy with the idea of someone sleeping in his car.

"Well, if you're sure…"

Killian reassured her that he was.

Emma thanked him. "I'll buy you lunch once we get back."

"You don't have to love," said Killian with a wink. "It's not a big deal."

They chose a spot that was close to the beach to set up camp. As during the day, they worked together quickly and efficiently, and had the tent up in a short span of time. Emma placed the bedroll and personal items inside the tent while Killian left to wash up. It was not a magically spacious tent by any means, but thankfully it was not going to be too much of a snug fit. Emma didn't necessarily feel uncomfortable at the prospect of sharing a tent with Killian—she'd had to make do with cramped sleeping quarters in several foster homes during her childhood—but she _did_ want to maintain a modicum of personal boundary.

Once Killian returned, Emma left in turn to use the restroom and take a quick shower. When Emma got back, she saw that Killian had started cooking something in a small camp stove.

He handed her a bug-spray canister. "The mosquitoes are out in droves."

"Ugh, thanks," said Emma and took the canister from him. "What are you making?"

"It's a surprise," said Killian as Emma sprayed the not-very pleasant smelling concoction over her skin.

"I'm not too fond of surprises."

"Maybe you'll like this one. I'm quite a good cook, if I may say so myself," stated Killian with modest pride.

"Quite confident, aren't you?"

"My besetting sin," replied Killian with a smile.

Emma raised her eyebrows lightly, but let that statement pass without comment. Instead she asked him if she could help with anything.

"You could get a fire started?" said Killian, pointing to the fire-pit by their tent.

Emma set about building up a bonfire.

Emma got it up to a steady blaze and sat down, resting her back against a fallen log. She sat watching the flickering flames, occasionally throwing a dry twig or two onto the blaze. She supposed she ought to help Killian with the cooking now that she had the fire going, but Emma felt half-paralyzed seated in the glimmering firelight. The crashing waves of the ocean provided a symphonious backdrop to the sights and sounds around her. Emma thought with a sharp pang of the last time she had gone camping. It had been with Neal during Spring Break week.

A noisy local family with several children had set up camp on one side of their tent. The kids were making S'mores on a campfire, and the adults were barbequing meat on a grill. Melodious Hawaiian music played from a portable stereo as two older girls practiced hula steps to its rhythm. An unbidden tear slipped out as Emma took in the simple domestic scene in front of her. It was something she never got to experience as a child. With a small self-deprecating shake of her head, Emma quickly wiped away the tear and turned away. On the other side of their camp, a lone camper was toweling off after a dip in the ocean. Nice physique, but he was no Duke Kahanamoku.

Her eyes shifted back to Killian. His movements were graceful as he went about his chores. Emma had always thought him good looking, even if she hadn't exactly joined the drooling multitudes. But in the orange glow of the firelight, he looked strikingly handsome. There was something almost ethereal in his beauty. She had a sudden urge to walk up behind him and run her fingers through his dark hair to see if it was as soft as it appeared. Her gaze drifted further down to his red lips and the dark stubble that now grazed his jaw. Emma blinked. She jerked her eyes up to notice Killian watching her with a hint of a smirk on his lips. Emma's cheeks felt suddenly warm, and she turned her gaze back to the fire.

Killian brought over two paper bowls filled with a steaming hot medley of roast vegetables, with a fried egg placed on top.

"Here you go, milady." Killian handed a bowl to her, and sat down by her with the other.

"This smells amazing." Emma waved the aroma to her nose. She pricked the fried egg with the tip of her fork so the still-runny yolk coated the vegetables. She then speared some of it and took a mouthful.

It was delicious.

"Mmmm… it's _'ono_!" said Emma, talking with her mouth full.

Killian grinned at her evident enjoyment of his culinary skills.

"I know!"

"You know, _modesty_ is not one of your besetting sins," said Emma, narrowing her eyes at him.

"You seem really interested in knowing more about my besetting sins, Swan." Killian wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"I am not really," said Emma with dignity.

"Your loss," commented Killian and took a bite of vegetables.

She gave him a pitying look, and Killian grinned at her. He was incorrigible, but Emma didn't really mind a little harmless flirtation.

She practically inhaled her food and went back for a second helping. She grabbed a couple of beer cans as well, which they had packed in a heavy-duty cooler with a bunch of icepacks and dry ice.

"They're still chilled," Emma handed a beer to Killian and sat back down by him.

"Thank you!"

He popped open a can and took a sip. Emma's eyes drifted to his lips. His tongue darted out to lick them as he lowered the can.

"So, you cook often then?" Emma attempted to divert her mind from the subject of Killian's disobliging attractiveness.

"As a matter of fact, I do. I try to bring lunch most days. Way better than eating the overpriced junk they sell on campus."

"The students would riot if they started serving haggis in the cafeterias," teased Emma.

"That's right—there wouldn't be room to store all the spam musubi," he shot back.

"There's nothing wrong with spam musubi! We don't all have the time or patience to cook gourmet meals every day, Jones."

"Would you like me to give you some culinary lessons, Swan? I could teach you how to make fast and easy meals. Although at times it's better to take time and… _savor_ things," said Killian, managing to make the offer quite suggestive.

"I'd rather watch Gordon Ramsey if I needed _skilled_ instruction of any sort."

"You wound me, Swan." Killian gave her a pained look, and touched a hand to his heart.

Emma smirked. "Jealous of your fellow countryman?"

"Hardly," he scoffed. "Besides, we are not _fellow countrymen_ , as you put it."

"Isn't Gordon Ramsey Irish?"

"Ramsey's Scottish, darling," replied Killian. " _I'm_ Irish."

"My bad…" Emma looked sheepish and shrugged.

"Ireland and Scotland are on totally separate islands, you know." Killian was apparently not ready to drop the subject.

"I know _that_. I just don't have Gordon Ramsey's biographical details on my fingertips," said Emma with sarcasm.

"I think my accent is quite strikingly different from Ramsey's."

"You can hardly blame me for not being able to tell a Scottish accent from an Irish one. The outside world barely exists for us Island Folk anyway."

"Maybe I ought to check out some Discovery Channel travelogues from the library for you, Swan," said Killian with faux politeness.

"For all your talk, I bet you knew crap about Hawai'i before you came here, Jones," scoffed Emma.

"You got me there, Swan," Killian threw up his hands in defeat. "I don't pretend to know much now either."

Emma smirked.

"At any rate, I definitely did not expect _spam musubi_ to be the state food of Hawai'i."

"You shit," said Emma incredulously, and threw her empty beer can at Killian, which he laughingly dodged. Emma ended up laughing as well.

It started mizzling.

"I think we'd better clear up before it starts pouring," Emma yawned as she stood up.

"Aye! It's time we turned in."

He got up and stretched out his arms, his t-shirt riding up a little. Emma turned away quickly before Killian caught her staring again.

They put out the last embers of the bonfire and cleared up their camp rapidly, throwing out the trash and packing up everything so they could start early the following morning. Emma took a battery operated lamp with her and went to use the restroom. Most of the campers near them had turned in for the night; Emma could still here faint music coming from a little farther away.

The rain was falling heavier by the time Emma got back. Killian asked her to make herself comfortable in the tent, and withdrew to use the restroom, taking an umbrella with him.

He had placed a second lamp inside the tent. In its light, Emma could see a sleeping bag stretched across the breadth of the floor, with two air pillows on top. A neatly folded blanket lay on top of Killian's backpack on one side. Emma appreciated the fact that Killian had left it to Emma's choice which side of the "bed" she wanted to sleep in. Smiling, she took out her own blanket, which luckily she had packed separately from her bedding roll, and lay down on the side closest to the ocean. She turned to face the wall of the tent and pulled up the blanket over her chest.

In a short while, Emma heard Killian enter the tent and zip it up from inside. He was trying to make a little noise as possible as he got ready for bed.

"Goodnight!" whispered Killian, as he turned off the lamps and settled in.

After a beat, Emma responded in kind as she pulled the blanket over her head and closed her eyes. She fell asleep to the gentle pitter-patter of raindrops against the tent.


	3. No Man is an Island

A/N: It gets rather demotivating to see very few to no reviews on updates. So, if you like the story, or have any comment, it will be much appreciated if you drop a line or two. I also uploaded a Lieutenant Ducking One Shot. Do check it out. :-)

* * *

Emma slowly woke to the sound of gently crashing waves and cacophonous birds. Her head was resting on top of a solid body rising and falling in a gentle rhythm. A muscular arm was looped around her shoulders in a soft yet firm embrace, and she snuggled into its warmth. Something was niggling at the back of mind, but she tried to push it back, reluctant to fully come back to consciousness…

 _Shit_ …

Emma was wide awake the next instant. Not only was she practically lying on top of Killian Jones, one of her legs was trapped between his. Emma felt panicked. She had to figure out how to disentangle herself from this awkward juxtaposition without waking Killian. Maybe that way she could pretend this had not happened. She wiggled a bit, only to have Killian's arm tighten around her fractionally. Her nose pressed close against his shirt. _He smells so good,_ thought her treacherous brain. She tried to slowly extricate her leg from between Killian's. But a blanket was entangled with their feet, making it difficult.

Well… there was nothing for it. She would either have to wake him up, or pretend to sleep until he woke up and solved the problem for her. When Emma had almost resolved on the latter more cowardly option, Killian stirred. Immediately Emma tensed up, and like a panicked doe, pressed her palm against his chest and pulled herself up to a half-sitting position. Killian startled awake and gaped at her in momentary confusion.

"Ugh… Sorry I woke you." Emma cringed.

Killian rubbed his eyes sleepily and yawned.

 _Dear lord, he looks adorable_ , thought Emma. She attempted unsuccessfully once more to free her feet from the blankets.

Killian raised his hand in a gesture to stop her, and sat up. Between them, they managed to untangle themselves. Emma practically fled out of the tent.

When she got back from brushing her teeth and using the restroom, she saw that Killian had already dismantled the tent. He raised his head when he heard her approach. He briefly hesitated then scratched behind his ear. "Emma, I hope you don't think I meant to…"

"Hey—I know," Emma interrupted. "And for the record, neither did I."

"Duly noted," said Killian with a tinge of amusement.

"Good."

"If you ever _do_ feel like having a proper cuddle…" Killian opened his arms wide and glanced at her from underneath his lashes.

"In your dreams, Jones."

He laughed.

They packed the tent and their sleeping bags up in Killian's car and headed back to the trails.

Emma took out two protein bars and gave one to Killian.

He took a bite. "Hmm... coffee flavored. It's actually quite good."

"Something with caffeine until I can get my proper fix," muttered Emma.

"Never got into the coffee habit myself," said Killian with that self-satisfied look people who didn't drink coffee sometimes sported.

"I guess you prefer tea and crumpets," snarked Emma.

"Tsk tsk. You seem to have a lot of clichéd ideas about the Irish. Take it from me; an Irishman prefers anything with a spot of liquor in it."

They found a suitable spot for data collection and worked steadily for the next few hours. Emma didn't know if it was because it was just the two of them, or because of the tent snafu, but she felt very aware of Killian's presence. She kept taking surreptitious glances at him as she worked. A messy lock of hair fell on his forehead, lending him a rakish touch, and light ginger stubble covered his face. He was wearing a plaid cotton shirt, with half the buttons on the top undone and sleeved rolled up. The sheen of perspiration from their exertions made the muscles in his arms stand out and his tattoos more noticeable.

Tattoos in Hawai'i were common enough—she herself had a buttercup tattooed on her wrist—but Emma was curious about his. There was a picture of a ship or sailboat on the underside of one arm. On the other was a heart with the word "Milah" written over it, with a dagger piercing through the heart. Emma wondered if it was the name of an ex-. Or maybe Killian and Milah were still together. But would he flirt like there was no tomorrow if he wasn't single? Emma felt a slight twinge of jealousy, and immediately scolded herself for it. Whether Killian Jones was single or taken had nothing to do with her. It would be stupid to start having a crush on someone right now, especially someone who worked at the same place she did.

The noonday sun beat down heavily on them when they finally took a break for lunch, a simple meal of peanut butter sandwiches. Emma idly traced some nonsense patterns on the ground with a twig.

"What is Ireland like?" she asked.

Killian gave her a look of surprise, and held out his palm for the twig in Emma's hand.

Emma gave it to him, and watched with interest as he traced a map of Ireland and wrote the word "Eire" on the map.

"What's Eire?"

" _Éire_ is the name of our country in Irish."

" _Éire_ ," repeated Emma, slowly. "It's beautiful. What does it mean?"

"It means, Island," replied Killian softly.

"Ireland, Antarctica, Hawai'i; you enjoy living in Islands, huh?" Emma smiled.

"I do love knowing I'm near the ocean and surrounded by it. However, Ireland is as unlike Hawai'i or Antarctica as you could possibly imagine," said Killian.

"Where exactly in Ireland are you from?" asked Emma.

To Emma's surprise, Killian took Emma's hand in his and touched a spot on the "map" with her index finger. A sharp jolt of electricity surged through her fingers where he had touched her. She involuntarily looked up at Killian, only to find him staring at her with a startled look on his face.

Emma pulled her back hand flustered. She wanted to hurry past that weird moment. "Is that where you grew up?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Tell me about it?"

Killian remained silent for a moment, and then went on to paint a verbal, almost poetic picture of Ireland. Emma was fascinated. She had never travelled out of Hawai'i except for one unremarkable trip with Neal to Las Vegas two years ago. Emma had always dreamed of traveling the world some day. That deep-seated desire flared back into life, and she prodded Killian eagerly for more details. He had a way with words alright.

"I've always want to visit England and the rest of Europe," said Emma a little wistfully. "I think I will add Ireland to my fantasy travel itinerary."

"Ah, happy to have convinced you to visit my country," he said with a courtly half-bow.

Emma rolled her eyes. "Maybe you should write a travelogue."

"Sure. Right after I get my Nature paper," he quipped.

Emma laughed. "Do you ever think of going back? To Ireland, I mean?"

"No!" said Killian.

The emphatic pronouncement surprised Emma.

"There's nothing there for me anymore," added Killian in a milder tone. Emma's curiosity was piqued, but his expression did not invite further questions, and they sat in contemplative silence. Killian seemed preoccupied with his thoughts, his forehead creased in a frown. His nostalgic tone while describing his country suggested that he missed it. Emma wondered what had occurred to make him not want to go back. Would she, Emma, ever feel that way about Hawai'i? Perhaps making a clean break from the Island and leaving all the painful memories behind was the best way for her to move on in life. After all, who would miss her if she left?

"What about you, Swan?" asked Killian, breaking Emma out of her melancholy thoughts.

"What about me?" Emma blinked.

"Yes. It's your turn to share," said Killian with a grin.

"What? You want to hear the story of my life?" She snorted.

He tilted his head and gave her a look.

"I've lived in Hawai'i all my life. I'm just a typical Island Girl," She shrugged.

Killian gave her a speculative look. "You are afraid to talk—to reveal yourself."

Emma scoffed. "There's nothing much to tell."

"It's alright if you don't want to share anything with me, Swan," said Killian. "You're something of an open book."

" _Really_?" asked Emma, her brows rising in her forehead. She almost laughed at the sheer arrogance of his assertion. "And what is your analysis?"

"People have let you down all your life. You put up walls around your heart so you don't make yourself vulnerable. I get it. But you know what—walls may keep out pain; but they also keep out love."

She glanced down briefly at his arm. "Who is Milah on the tattoo?"

Killian's expression immediately shut down. She could almost see the shutters come down on the window of his eyes.

Emma sneered. "For all your talk, you are nothing but a hypocrite."

"You're quite perceptive for an _Island Girl_ , aren't you?"

"Maybe I am," she said.

"Milah is someone from long ago," said Killian, and got up.

Emma and Killian wrapped up soon after lunch and headed back to the parking lot with all their equipment and samples. They packed everything carefully and drove away after double checking to make sure they'd left nothing behind. They stopped at a Starbucks on the way back ( _Killian, don't say a word_ ). By the time they got back to Manoa and handed everything over to Tiana, Emma was exhausted. She only made a half-hearted protest when Killian offered to drop her at home. Emma took a quick a shower when she reached her place, and slept until the following afternoon.


	4. Flux

A/N: I am so sorry for this long delay in updating! I got a little distracted with watercolor painting, and this chapter was giving me a lot of trouble. The next one should be up faster. Let me know what you think!

* * *

"Invert the tube three times before you add the buffer," Emma instructed Henry, the undergrad she was mentoring.

"You told me to do that just a second ago." Henry looked at her keenly. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am. Why?" Emma bristled.

"You just seem a little distracted this morning." Henry shrugged.

The kid was too observant for his own good, thought Emma, and shot a quick glance across the lab at the cause of said distraction: Killian Jones. He was setting up an experiment at his bench, directly in her line of vision.

It had been a week since she and Killian had returned from the field trip, and Emma had been sort of avoiding Killian ever since. She had not been rude per se, but she had rebuffed any attempt on his part to make causal talk with her. Killian had gotten under her skin in too short a time. He was smart, attractive, and way too perceptive. It was barely a few months since she'd broken up with Neal. It was better to avoid Killian than needlessly get her emotions entangled at this point. Or at _any_ point, for that matter, added Emma as a side-note in her mind.

Killian had seemed puzzled at first, but he had not spoken a single word to her in the past two days. He had pointedly turned away upon seeing her that morning. Emma was annoyed at how much it bothered her. Her plan to put him out her mind didn't seem to be going all that well, considering her eyes were constantly drawn to him whenever he was in the same room as her. She sighed and refocused her attention at Henry.

"How is your semester going so far?" she asked, as Henry proceeded to the next step in his experiment.

"A little busy, but not too bad, actually."

"What classes are you taking?"

"Biochem 460, senior thesis, and a supercool class on Creative Writing in Fantasy."

Emma smiled. Henry was huge fantasy buff. While Emma wasn't particularly fond of the genre, she loved the Harry Potter books. She enjoyed nerding out with Henry about the series, and arguing about whose favorite character was the best ever (Henry's was Ron; Emma's was Sirius).

"That reminds me. I have to write a research paper for my senior thesis. Would you have some time to help me out?"

"Sure. I'll be free anytime after Monday."

"Thanks!"

"Why don't you make an outline in the meantime? I'll look over it and we can discuss it next week—maybe Tuesday or Wednesday."

"Cool."

Emma checked Henry's work. "Looks like you've got it in hand, Henry. Do you think you can finish up?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"I have to finalize my slides for my Practice Talk this afternoon."

"Oh, I got your e-mail about that. It's for your prelim, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It's on Monday." Emma had to pass her preliminary examination in the Fall semester to be on track for a Spring graduation. "I'll be at my desk if you need me for anything."

Emma went to the office area and made herself a cup of coffee. She sat at her desk to finalize her slides for the talk.

A couple of hours later, Emma set up her laptop in a snug little room at the end of the hall they used for their weekly research group meetings. A couple of grad students from their research group (Mulan and Dawn) drifted in, followed by Henry and Elsa.

Elsa handed Emma a laser pointer and sat down. Emma was a little thrown to see Killian Jones casually saunter in and sit right up front. O... _kay_.

"So, how do you want to do this?" Elsa queried.

"I'll give the presentation first. Then maybe we could go over it slide by slide?"

"Sure," said Elsa.

"Could one of you time me?"

"I'll do it," offered Henry. Taking out his iPhone, he started the stopwatch.

"Alright, here goes…"

Emma gave a brief introduction on the overarching objective of her thesis project; she then went over her specific research aims, preliminary data, and future goals. After she was done, Emma turned to look at Henry.

"Fifty minutes and 15 seconds."

"I'm five minutes over the time limit."

"That's not too bad." Mulan piped up. "It's easier to cut down slides than add more stuff."

"You did a very good job overall," began Elsa. "You stumbled in a couple of places, but you will be fine once you practice a few more times."

"I thought the introduction was needlessly long," commented Killian.

"I didn't." Mulan demurred.

The next few minutes were spent in Killian and Mulan arguing over whether or not the intro had been too long.

"We should keep going," Elsa interrupted. Killian shrugged in acquiescence.

Emma wrote down the various comments and suggestions as they went over the rest of her slides. Killian seemed to find something to nitpick on every slide. Eventually, he and Emma were the only two people talking. Henry had left an hour before. The other people in the room become restive as Emma's exchanges with Killian got increasingly heated. After a particularly asinine suggestion of Killian's (in Emma's opinion), she had had enough.

"I don't have the time to sit and make detailed graphic designs to illustrate a simple point. My prelim is on Monday, and I think what I have is more than enough."

"Perhaps next time you should ask for feedback with more than just two days to spare, love."

"Maybe next time you shouldn't offer feedback if you don't have anything useful to say, _brah_."

Dawn suppressed a giggle. Elsa and Mulan exchanged amused but exasperated glances.

"Well… if you don't want to listen to constructive criticism…"

"If you think wasting time just to fluff things up is constructive…" Emma glared at him.

Emma could almost swear Killian's mouth twitched up in a brief smile. _Jerk_.

"I have to leave," said Mulan apologetically.

Emma glanced at the clock. It was close to 7 PM. They had started at 3.

"Oh my god, I didn't realize how late it was. Sorry for keeping you guys so late! Let's stop here." Emma disconnected her laptop from the projector, and thanked everyone for their feedback as they filed out.

Elsa nudged Emma's shoulders playfully as they walked back to the lab. "What was that all about?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Did you and Killian have a fight or something?"

"What? No!"

Elsa gave her a scrutinizing look, but to Emma's relief, let it go at that. She just didn't want to deal with Elsa's questions right then.

Emma spent the weekend editing slides and refining her presentation. Monday morning had her stomach in knots, despite downing four cups of coffee. All too soon, it was time. Tiana and Elsa helped her set up for the presentation. The conference hall was quite full for a preliminary exam. Most of the students and techs from their research group were present. Emma was not surprised to see Killian sitting at the back. He caught her eye and gave her a thumbs up. Emma gave a tight smile in acknowledgement. Finally her committee members arrived. Emma took a deep breath and got started.

Even though she was a little nervous at the beginning, Emma's presentation went smoothly. All the hours she had put in working on it had paid off. Once she got done with her talk, Emma fielded audience questions. After that, everyone but her committee members was kicked out so they could grill her in private.

An hour later, Emma stepped out, tired but elated. She had passed her preliminary exams! Her group members came forward to congratulate her and presented her with leis. Emma couldn't stop smiling.

Killian walked up to her and said, "You did a brilliant job."

Emma narrowed her eyes. "You didn't seem all that impressed on Friday."

"Ah. It appears I was wrong."

"Did I just hear you admit you were wrong?" teased Emma.

Killian grinned, unabashed. "I don't do that often. Enjoy it while you can."

Emma rolled her eyes.

"Let's go to RB's and celebrate!" someone yelled.

There was a chorus of agreement to this suggestion.

"But I'm tired!" protested Emma.

"Na..uh. You're not getting out of it," said Tiana. "You're getting buzzed tonight, chika."

"Alright, alright," said Emma laughing. "I need to put away my laptop and get my bag from the lab. I'll meet you guys at the bar."

"I'll come with you," said Elsa. "I need to wrap up a couple of things at the lab."

When she got to the lab, Emma set down her laptop, and typed out a quick e-mail to Meg on her phone, informing her that she had passed her prelims. Then she put on her earbuds, and sat tapping her heels to the beat of music as she waited for Elsa to finish up.

A hand fell on her shoulder, startling her. She jumped up, the earbuds falling off her ears.

It was Neal.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

"No. That's ok. I didn't hear you."

"Congrats on passing your prelims."

"Oh. Uh… thanks."

"I thought you'd be off celebrating. You're not working tonight are you?"

"No. I'm just waiting for Elsa to wrap up." She expected Neal to walk away at this point. Instead, he casually leaned against the desk beside her.

"So, it looks like your project is coming along well," he stated.

"I hope so." Emma was in no mood to make small talk with Neal. She hoped her short answers would discourage further questions.

"Are you planning to use all of the samples you collected from Waimea last week?"

Emma stiffened. The euphoria of passing her preliminary exam was rapidly evaporating.

"Why do you ask?"

"I was hoping you could share some of them with me."

"What exactly do you mean by share, Neal? You and I don't process samples the same way for our projects. We're not both going to be able to use them."

"You're not going to need them all anyway, right? I mean, the extra stuff is just going to go to waste."

Emma wanted to smack the smug expression off his face, but she restrained herself. Had he always been this condescending?

"I donno. I can't tell right now. I may need all of it," she replied. "Why don't you go and collect samples yourself?"

"I'm working on my dissertation right now. I just don't have time to go on a field trip."

"And you think I got time?" she asked dryly.

"Come on, Emma. You don't know what the pressure is like for a PhD student."

Emma sucked in her breath sharply. "Why, because I'm _just_ a Master's student?"

"Look, I didn't say that." Neal sighed and scrubbed his face. "I'm simply asking you for a favor."

"You have a nice way of asking for it."

Neal frowned. "I didn't take you to be the type to…" He stopped himself before completing the sentence.

"Type to what, Neal?" She dared him to finish his sentence so she could just punch him in the face and get it over with.

"Look, that didn't come out right."

"I'd say it didn't," sneered Emma.

"So you're not going to help me." It was a statement, not a question.

Good thing he was finally getting the memo. "What are you going to do? Go whine to Meg about it?"

Neal reddened, and then looked at her with dawning comprehension. "Huh, is that what this is all about?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you get cozy with that haole when you were up North "collecting samples" with him? He seems to be rubbing off on you," said Neal.

"Who I _get cozy with_ is none of your business." Emma was livid.

"So you admit it…"

"Who the _hell_ are you to ask me that, anyway?"

Neal stepped closer, with an angry glint in his eyes. "Look…"

"Is everything alright?" Elsa interrupted.

For a second Emma and Neal stood frozen on the spot, staring angrily at each other. Then, Emma shook herself and ducked past Neal to join Elsa.

"Everything is fine. I'm ready to go."

Elsa looked at her with concern then glanced in Neal's direction. Emma steadily refused to look at Neal.

After a moment, Neal turned and walked away without a word.

Elsa took Emma's hand and squeezed it. Emma realized she was shaking.

"Emma. Maybe you need to sit down for a minute?" said Elsa, her voice laced with concern.

"No. I want to get out of here."

"Alright. Let me get your bag."

Elsa grabbed Emma's bag, and the two women speedily exited the lab.


	5. Declension

_Four months ago._

* * *

"Do you need a ride home?" asked Neal.

"Nope. I got my car back from service this morning."

Emma was lounging in the student break-area with her boyfriend Neal and Tamara, a visiting grad student from NYU.

"Really? They let you drive away with it?"

"Don't start," Emma remonstrated. Seriously, _everyone_ was always teasing her about her car.

"Alright, alright," said Neal, giving Emma a smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Emma's heart gave a little squeeze as she smiled back.

"But sometimes, you know, it's time to move on," he continued, giving her a sideways look.

"I'll stay with the tried and tested, until it gives up on me." Emma stuck her tongue out at Neal, making him laugh.

"And this is how we settle our arguments," said Neal, briefly glancing at Tamara.

"Very mature," said Tamara, smiling.

The trio seated in the lounge made an interesting contrast with each other. Neal, who was part-Filipino, had a light-brown complexion, brown eyes, and dark hair. Emma was fair-skinned and athletic, and had blonde hair that reached to her waist. Tamara was a petite black woman with straight cut shoulder-length hair. Tamara had been on the Island for about a month or so, and was as enthusiastic about exploring the Island as new-comers tended to be. She had accompanied Neal and Emma on a couple of hikes to popular spots, and was already talking of training for the Honolulu Marathon.

As they sat chatting about various hiking trails across the island, Killian Jones walked in and grabbed a cup of fresh-brewed coffee from the coffee-maker in the room.

"Pretentious dick," muttered Neal under his breath as Killian walked out of the room, coffee in hand.

"You don't like him?" asked Tamara.

"He is a selfish, show-off…"

"Neal… let's not…" Emma tried to stem the tide she knew was coming. Whatever Neal thought of Jones, she did not think gossiping about a team member to a visitor from another lab was the smartest thing to do.

"Well, he is," interrupted Neal. "I should know. I worked with him for a month."

"You did? When was that?" asked Tamara in surprise.

"It was a couple of months ago—right after he and the other postdoc, Elsa, got back from Palmer. Emma was assigned to work with Elsa. So, Meg thought it would be a _fantastic_ idea to pair me up with Jones. It went south real fast. He was such a fucking control freak—always hovering over me," said Neal. "Finally I had enough. I asked Meg to talk to Mills to get me some of the samples, so I could work on them independently."

"What happened?"

"Jones refused, saying he couldn't afford to "waste" any of his _precious_ samples on high-risk projects, and Mills backed him up."

"Could she do that? Aren't they supposed to share the samples from Palmer with the whole MEMAS group?" asked Tamara.

"Technically, no," explained Emma. "Killian and Elsa work for Dr. Mills. She funded their trip to Palmer with a special NSF grant. So, the Mills lab gets ultimate veto over who gets access to the samples."

"A fucking waste of my time… I could've learned what little he taught me from Elsa if she hadn't been so busy training Emma." Neal gave Emma a pointed look. "I'd be writing my dissertation right now instead of tramping all over Oahu, still collecting samples."

"That's not fair," said Emma, stung. Emma had always known that her collaboration with Elsa irked Neal, and was generally careful not to gush about the former's excellent mentorship. But his current outburst was uncalled for. "Elsa's and my projects are related. That's why I got paired up with her."

"It doesn't matter now," said Neal.

Tamara cleared her throat. "I need to get back to work," she said discreetly, and left.

After a moment's pause, Neal said, "I'm… sorry, Emma. I didn't mean to yell at you."

"What's really going on, Neal?"

"I've been sort of frustrated lately," he admitted. "I've had to put off my graduation until Spring, you know? At least, Dr. Malcolm's agreed to hold the position for me. Otherwise, everything would've been even more messed up."

"I know you are frustrated about this! But it hurts when you take it out on me."

"I know," said Neal, shaking his head a little as though to clear away unwelcome thoughts. "I just want to get away from the Island."

This was not the first time Neal had been short with Emma of late. He had a troubled relationship with his father, who owned several resorts all over Hawai'i, and spent more time cutting down the competition than with his only son. Things had come to a head between father and son recently, with Neal accusing his father of being a callous deal-monger, and father accusing son of being ungrateful. It ended in Neal swearing to get away from his father and his holdings for good.

"If I too can graduate in the Spring, we may able to leave for New York together," said Emma, attempting to cheer him up a little.

"You think you'll be able to get into NYU?" asked Neal, in a doubtful tone.

"I think I have a good chance, especially if I can get a paper out soon," said Emma. "I've been sending out feelers to a couple of professors there, and both Meg and David have said they'd write strong reference letters for me."

"Yeah—that will be good for you," said Neal. Emma smiled at him, and leaning forward, kissed him.

"I love you," said Emma.

"I love you, too," said Neal, eyes crinkling as he smiled at her.

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah."

There still was a trace of _something_ —worry perhaps—in Neal's eyes, but he clearly didn't want to elaborate, and Emma had no interest in forcing him to talk about it right then.

"Well, I'm pau*," said Emma getting up. "I need to go to Star Market for groceries. Wanna have dinner at my place?"

"Not tonight. You go ahead," said Neal. "I gotto stay a few more hours."

"Do you want me to pick you up something from the store?"

"Nah! I'm good. I still have some leftovers from lunch."

"Well… if you're sure…" said Emma, picking up her bag and giving Neal a quick kiss.

"Yup. See you later!"

Emma was almost at the parking lot when she realized that she had left her car keys in her desk drawer. She had forgotten to put it back on her key ring after bringing the car back from service that morning. Huffing, Emma made it back to her office and picked up the errant keys. She took a quick peek inside the lab to see if Neal was there. He wasn't. The lazy ass must still be in the break-room, thought Emma with an indulgent snort.

Emma opened the door to the lounge to see Neal and Tamara seated close together on the couch. On seeing her, they jumped apart quickly with guilty expressions on their faces.

"What were you guys doing? Were you two kissing?" asked Emma half-jokingly. On seeing the panicked look Neal gave Tamara, the blood drained from Emma's face.

"Emma," said Neal, and stretched out a hand toward her in placating manner.

Emma turned and ran.

Neal ran after her and caught her arm, trying to get her to stop.

"Let go of me!" yelled Emma, snatching her arm from his grasp.

"Alright, alright!" said Neal, lifting his arms, palms facing towards her. "I just want to talk."

"Alright, talk!" said Emma angrily.

"We… _I…_ it's not what it looks like, Emma."

"What _is_ it like then?" asked Emma, gritting her teeth.

Neal hesitated.

"Have you been sleeping with her?" asked Emma. She was unable to fully take in the magnitude of the situation.

"Uh… yes," admitted Neal.

Emma blanched, feeling as though a heavy rock had settled at the pit of her stomach.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Emma."

"What did you mean to do then, Neal? And by the way, how long have you been sleeping with her?"

Her voice had risen another octave or two.

"Look Emma, it's not that simple," hissed Neal in an urgent whisper, looking around to check if they could be overheard.

"Afraid that everyone in the lab will know what a cheating scumbag you are?" Emma sneered.

Neal gave an exasperated sigh, and suggested that they should go outside and continue the discussion once they'd cooled down.

"I'm not going anywhere with you. You and that bitch are free to go and jump into the Ala Wai if you like."

She turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" asked Neal.

"I am going home. Is that going to be a problem?"

"You can't drive in this state, Emma!"

"Don't try to pretend like you care about me!" _Seriously_?

"Let me drive you home. Or ask someone else to drive you."

"Seriously, Neal, it's not your fucking problem," said Emma.

Neal looked a little hurt at the remark, but said nothing further.

"And for the record, we're done!" Emma yelled out as she walked away. She flew down the stairs at a rapid pace, her heart crushed to a million pieces.

* * *

Emma had no memory of how she had reached her place. One minute she had started the car, the next, she was pulling up into her parking spot at home. Numbly, she supposed it was a good thing she had not gotten into an accident, but was unable to muster any great relief over the fact. With a sigh, she unlocked the front door and got in. It was a shared two-storey house. Each floor had four private bedrooms with locks, and two shared bathrooms. The kitchen and living room areas were shared as well, but all the residents had designated cupboards and drawers for storage of pots, pans, and food supplies. Most of the girls who lived there went to UH.

Emma breathed a sigh of relief at finding nobody using her shared bathroom. She dumped her bag in her room and quickly ran back to the bathroom. Locking the door, she took off her clothes, and stepped into the shower. She stood under the hot spray for a long time. When the water started turning cold, Emma turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around herself before picking up her clothes and going to her room.

A twin bed covered with a Hawaiian printed quilt stood below the only window in the room. There was a small nightstand by the bed, where a bottle of water stood next to an old alarm clock, a table lamp, and an empty coffee mug. A surfboard, too big to fit in the narrow bedroom closet, rested against a wall. There was a desk next to the bed where a stack of printed reading material lay piled next to half-open books and pop tarts. Emma drew the curtains in the room, and got into her pajamas. Spreading a dry towel on top of her pillow for her wet hair, she curled up in bed under her quilt.

As she glanced at her desk from bed, Emma's eyes fell on a framed photograph sitting on top. It was a picture of her and Neal in a cozy embrace, gazing adoringly at each other. She stretched out a hand and grabbed it. Emma's heart gave a painful stab. The picture had been taken on top of Diamond Head, close to the time when she and Neal had first started dating.

The view from the top of Diamond Head had never failed to captivate Emma. There was something exhilarating about standing on the stark Diamond Head crater, and catching a breathtaking view of the blue ocean dotted with surfers and the pristine sandy beaches. To the right was the busy Honolulu skyline. There, on top, in quiet contemplation of the medley of sights and sounds that made Oahu quintessentially itself, Emma always felt less like the lost girl she was. Being with _Neal_ had made her feel less like a lost girl. That was why she had chosen to keep a framed copy of that particular photograph in her room.

Funny how things never turned out the way she imagined. She and Neal had taken Tamara to Diamond Head the first week of the latter's arrival at Oahu. Four weeks later, Emma was left staring at the broken pieces of her relationship with Neal, and clutching a photograph that had captured but an ephemeral truth. Emma's face crumpled. _She was never enough for anyone to stick around for long._ She held the picture to her chest and wept.

* * *

*pau – done/finished


	6. Where we come from, Where we go

Thank you for all the follows, favs, and reviews! Hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * *

Emma was lounging on Elsa's couch, carton of Rocky Road in hand. Elsa was sprawled at the other end, with another carton of the same ice-cream. It was Saturday, and at Elsa's insistence, the two girls were having an all-day movie marathon. They had watched Princess Bride, had had lunch (spicy shrimp linguini), and were now at the tail end of The Sound of Music.

The first movie had been Emma's choice, and the second, Elsa's, neither having seen the other's pick before. Elsa had been highly entertained by the fact that Emma could quote every line of The Princess Bride. It was Elsa's turn to be teased when she sang along with all the musical numbers in the second movie.

At long last General von Trapp, Maria, and the children were on their way out of Austria, singing—appropriately enough— _climb every mountain_ , and the credits started rolling.

"That was perfect," said Elsa, and sighed contentedly.

"Yeah—it was great."

Emma collected her and Elsa's empty ice-cream cartons to discard and went to use the restroom. When she came out, Elsa was reheating the leftover pasta. Emma's stomach rumbled in appreciation.

"Oops," said Emma.

Elsa grinned. "Could you set the table? Pasta will be ready in a couple of minutes."

Emma did as told, and set the neat little dining table in Elsa's kitchen with two sets of cutlery, plates, and cups. Elsa brought over the pasta along with some diet coke.

"It's so good," said Emma, appreciatively. "Bless you for feeding me!"

"I'm happy you like it! I love cooking, and it gets boring to just cook for myself all the time."

"Better watch-out, or I'll take that as an invitation and show up at your doorstep every weekend asking for free meals," joked Emma.

"I wouldn't mind that at all," said Elsa, with a kind smile.

Emma was touched. "You haven't said it outright, but I know you invited me over to cheer me up after that incident with Neal earlier this week."

"You looked rather listless all week, so I thought…"

"Yeah. Even Meg commented that I seemed pretty low-key for someone who had just passed her comps. I… really do appreciate your concern, Elsa."

"You're welcome. And it's no big deal. I do enjoy having you over! But now that you brought it up yourself, I wanted to ask you if Neal has spoken you after Monday."

"No. I haven't seen him around the lab, thankfully. He's either working on his dissertation somewhere else, or purposely coming in to the lab when he knows I won't be there."

"But he's not likely to stay away forever."

"No," Emma and rolled her eyes. "Worse luck."

"Emma," began Elsa and hesitated. "Maybe you should talk to Meg about this."

"About my fight with my ex-boyfriend?" Emma was thrown.

"I just think it may be… safer."

"You can't think… you don't think Neal might _hurt_ me?" Emma almost laughed. "Look—Neal did hurt me a lot—emotionally, but he's never once gotten physical with me. Besides, I would never stand for any such thing!"

"I'm glad to be wrong about this, Emma, but he did look a little _crazy-angry_ on Monday when I interrupted you two, if you know what I mean. I just wanted to make sure there was nothing more to it. I hope you are not offended by my asking you this."

"No. I'm not offended. I probably would've done the same thing in your place. Did you… did you overhear any of our conversation?"

"I admit I caught the tail end of it. That's when I realized something was off…"

Emma reddened with embarrassment and anger when she recollected Neal's insinuations about her and Killian.

"To be honest, this is not the first time Neal has gotten irrationally upset with me when things didn't go according to his wishes."

"Really?"

"You remember when the mentoring thing didn't work out between him and Killian?"

Elsa nodded.

"He was somewhat mad at me because he wanted to switch to you, but you were mentoring me at that time, and weren't available."

"Regina didn't want me mentoring two grad students at once as it would cut significantly into work hours for my own projects. Besides, I wasn't doing the type of work Neal was looking to learn anyway. He got angry with you for that?"

"I wouldn't say angry, but he did get a little mad."

"But you were together at the time, weren't you?"

"Yes," agreed Emma, slightly uncomfortable.

"Hmm…"

"Well… he was trying to graduate in Fall and that set him back." Emma wasn't sure why she was trying to explain Neal's motivations. His reactions had seemed natural, if unfair, at that time.

"Perhaps. But wishing that your convenience would give way his seems to be a pattern with him."

"True," admitted Emma. She felt disturbed. She thought back over the two years she and Neal had been together. When she had first started out in Meg Nolan's lab as a Master's student, she had been immediately assigned to Neal to help with his projects and learn the basics. Somewhere along the line, she and Neal had started dating, and with her not-insignificant contributions, he had published two first-author papers. She had been a co-author in both the papers of course, but she had delayed working on her projects because Neal had always shown more enthusiasm in getting his own work done than in helping her get started on hers.

With the arrival of Killian and Elsa from Palmer, all the Principal Investigators of the MEMAS group had scrambled to get their hands on the samples and their students trained in all the latest techniques at the hands of the brilliant new post-docs. Meg had won the lottery by getting not one, but _two_ of her students placed with Killian and Elsa. But while Neal and Killian's partnership had soured, Emma's and Elsa's had thrived, and had been the beginning of Emma transitioning into an independent scientist. Emma was now struck by the fact that it hadn't taken Neal long to stray from her once she had stopped helping him with his projects.

Emma shared some of her thoughts with Elsa. "I kinda feel embarrassed that I didn't see this before."

"Don't beat yourself up over this, Emma. It's easy enough to be clear-sighted in hindsight."

"I've never been someone to trust people easily. I guess I'm finding it hard to accept that I let my emotions cloud my judgment—something I used to pride myself on avoiding."

"It can be hard to spot power-imbalance in relationships when you are in one," said Elsa gently.

Emma looked startled. "You think there was a power imbalance between us?"

"Well—he was mentoring you… and from what you tell me, he wasn't exactly pushing you to work on your thesis projects."

"Wow. You are right. He was always buttering me up to do get me to do his stuff. I guess that's why he was shocked when I didn't trip over myself to give him the stuff I collected from Waimea. I feel even more like an idiot now!"

"You're not an idiot, Emma. You were just blinded by love, as we all are at some point or other in our lives."

"It's… been good to talk this out with you. I actually feel relieved for the first time since I found out… that he'd been cheating on me."

Elsa merely shook her head.

"But let's not talk about Neal anymore. I've wasted enough time moping about him this week."

"Good plan. Let's watch another movie. How about Die Hard?"

"Temping… but I have another idea."

"What?"

"How about going to watch Tiana and her crew at Waikiki tonight?" Tiana was a hula dancer in a hālau* that performed at various spots around town. The night's performance was at a popular food court in the Waikiki area.

"That sounds fun. I haven't been to one of her shows yet."

"Then we definitely have to go. What time is it now? Oh wow—it's 5 o'clock. We may need leave soon if we want to get a decent table close to the stage."

"Alright."

The two women rapidly tidied away the kitchen and dining room, and after freshening themselves, set off in separate cars to the venue. They found parking spot close to the food court and managed to snag a couple of seats close to the stage.

"I know we like just ate, but there's this place here that makes killer beef satay. Wanna go get some?"

"I'm good, thanks. I'll save your spot."

The first performance of the evening had started by the time Emma got back with the food.

"Have you been to many local shows since you came to Hawai'i? It's been like 6 months now, right?"

"Seven, actually," said Elsa. "Not many. I've been the Polynesian Cultural Centre once."

"How do you like it?"

"I love it! Especially hula dancing—the fluidity of the moves reminds me a lot of ballet." She added as an explanation, "I used to do ballet when I was a kid."

"Why did you stop?"

"Oh… you know… " Elsa trailed off vaguely. Emma sensed that there was something behind the evasion, but did not press her further.

Tiana's group was the next on stage. Her group performed two dances. A gentle and sinuous hula dance, followed by a fast-paced Tahitian dance number. Tiana, to put it mildly, rocked both. Elsa and Emma cheered loud and long after the performance ended.

As the dance troupe exited the stage, a guy with a guitar slung across his shoulder walked up on stage. Emma did a double take, and then her jaw dropped. She turned to look at Elsa, who was wearing an equally stunned expression. For the man was none other than Killian _freaking_ Jones.

" _Did you_ know?"

" _I had no idea in the least_."

" _Okay…shhh…_ "

Killian sang two songs, while accompanying himself in the guitar. The first song was called "Perfect Stranger" by The Enemies↨. The second one was "All Right Now" by Bad Company. Emma was blown away. That man could sing!

After his performance, Elsa and Emma spotted Tiana and waved her over. She waved back and shortly joined them, followed by Killian and another girl, a tall brunette with red streaks in her hair. Emma recognized the girl as one of the dancers in Tiana's troupe. Emma and Elsa scrunched closer to make space for the newcomers, and congratulated the performers.

"Thank you guys. We didn't know you were coming!"

"It was a spontaneous plan. We were over at Elsa's place watching movies."

"This is my friend Ruby," said Tiana, introducing the other girl.

"I didn't know you sang here Killian," said Elsa. Emma shifted her eyes to Killian's face, who was sitting by her on the other side.

For some reason, he briefly glanced at Emma before he replied, "This is just my second time."

"You have a great voice," said Emma.

"Ah, thank you," said Killian and scratched behind his ear.

"I didn't even know you sang and played guitar. Did you?" asked Emma, turning to Elsa.

"Yes. He used to sing occasionally when we had social nights at Palmer."

Emma felt a little deflated. Once again, she seemed to be the odd one out in the group.

Killian leaned close and whispered in her ear, "I'm full of surprises, darling."

Emma shivered involuntarily.

"You're so full of yourself," said Emma, rolling her eyes and smiling.

Killian merely quirked his brow and gave a wicked smile.

"Shut _up_ …"

"I didn't even say anything!"

"Whatever… you were thinking it."

"Who wants Shave Ice?" asked Tiana

"I'd like some," said Elsa.

"Me! Me! But I don't want to stand in line," whined Emma.

"I'll get it for you," offered Killian.

"You sure?"

"Of course. What flavor would you like?"

"Blueberry, with vanilla ice-cream."

"As you wish," said Killian and left.

Emma giggled and turned to Ruby, who was had also stayed behind.

"He seems a nice boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend."

"My mistake."

"That's alright."

"Why isn't he?"

" _What_?"

"I mean… he's hot and seems into you?"

"No, he's not."

Ruby said nothing, just smiled.

"So, what do you?" asked Emma, trying to divert the subject.

"I have a regular job waitressing at Brew Moon's. I also do performances with dance troupes here and there."

They chatted pleasantly until the other three got back.

"Blueberry shave ice with vanilla ice cream for the lady," said Killian, handing her the cone.

"Thanks," said Emma, and took a bite of the shave ice. "What did you get?"

"Raspberry with green tea ice cream."

"Interesting…"

"Would you like to try?"

"Okay," said Emma, taking a spoonful.

"Hmm… not bad. But I like mine better. Wanna try?"

"Sure," said Killian, and tasted hers. "It's good."

As she took another bite, Emma caught Ruby's eye. The latter gave her sly grin. Emma shook her head and turned down to hide her smile.

They stayed another hour or so, chatting and enjoying the remaining stage performances. By the time Emma got home to bed, she was exhausted. At the same time, she felt light-hearted and happy, and felt ready to start a new week on the morning.

* * *

*A hālau is Hawaiian word meaning a school or a group.

↨ The Chapter title comes from the lyrics of this song.


	7. Interlude

"What is it today?" asked Emma, eagerly reaching for the foil-wrapped sandwich in Killian's hand.

"Not spam," drawled Killian, handing the sandwich to Emma.

"Cut the mocking," warned Emma as she tore off the wrap and took a bite. It was chicken salad sandwich, and with none of the revolting celery that Emma hated. She closed her eyes, savoring the taste. "Mmmm…"

Killian smiled in amusement, and took a bite of his own sandwich.

After noticing Emma snacking on pop-tarts one too many times during a particularly intense week of experiments, Killian had brought an extra sandwich for lunch one day, and plopped it down in front her. After her initial defensive rejection of his "pity food", they had worked out a compromise whereby she bought him lunch the next day. This somehow turned into a regular thing where he would occasionally pack an extra lunch for her, and Emma would return the favor on another day. Emma's offerings were typically either grilled cheese sandwiches or some kind of pasta or fried rice, but Killian never complained, even appearing to enjoy her comparatively simpler culinary creations. Emma was now eating home-cooked food much more frequently than she could ever remember doing since she had started college. If anyone else in the lab noticed their little routine, they did not comment on it.

Elsa or Tiana would join them sometimes, and they would go off-campus for lunch or to a bar in the evening. Going to Waikiki with Elsa to watch Tiana and/or Killian perform had also turned into a regular weekend activity. For the first time in her life, Emma felt as though she was developing a small but authentic friends circle. However, her uneven experiences in foster care, and constantly having to look out for herself—not to mention the disastrous break-up with Neal—had her constantly questioning the permanency of any of this. Emma was never able to live in the _now_. She was always half-cynically anticipating someone to pull the rug from under her feet.

Emma bumped into Neal from time to time, but their interactions did not proceed beyond a curt nod or a stiff smile these days. Tamara, on the other hand, was often in the lab, but as she and Emma completely ignored each other, the sight of her did not hurt Emma as Neal's did. He had been the first person to get past the walls she'd put up at a very early age, and despite knowing intellectually that she was better off without him, her heart still ached at his betrayal and missed the image of the man she had once believed him to be.

Growing up, Emma had never dreamt of going to college, let alone to grad school. After she had aged out of the foster system, Emma initially drifted around doing part-time jobs. Getting tired of long hours and unreliable pay, she eventually got her GED and enrolled at Kapiʻolani Community College, hoping to get some certification that would land her a steady job in the medical industry. Her microbiology instructor, Dr. Cleo Fox, noting Emma's natural aptitude for the subject, had taken a special interest in her. Soon, Emma found herself working on a research project with Cleo, which won her a partial scholarship to UH Manoa. Four years later, at the age of 25, Emma graduated with a BS in Biology. With Cleo's guidance and encouragement, Emma had applied to grad school, and was accepted at UH into the Master's program in Marine Biology.

Emma did rotations in three different labs before settling on Meg No'olan as her thesis advisor. When Meg had asked her 4th year PhD student, Neal Cassidy, to mentor Emma, it was intended as a short-term assignment to train Emma in the advance molecular biology techniques routinely used in the MEMAS group. Neal had charmed Emma right from the start, and they quickly fell into a relationship. He was smart but his indolence had kept him from making faster progress on his dissertation. Meg had hoped that having someone to mentor would help him focus and give him the push he needed to complete his project. Her strategy had worked, but perhaps not entirely in the way she had intended. Emma had been eager to learn, and within a year, _she_ had been the driving force in helping Neal to get his first paper out.

Emma finally started working on her thesis when Meg asked her and Neal to write a review article. While a review was not a research publication, it still counted for something. In another six months, Meg's group had churned out a review authored by Cassidy, Swan, and No'olan. Emma had done most of the writing, while Neal focused on his dissertation. Between that and her responsibilities as a teaching assistant, Emma's thesis project stayed on the back burner.

Finally, during a routine thesis committee meeting, Cleo (whom Emma had retained as external committee member) had raised concerns on Emma's lack of progress. While co-authoring papers was no insubstantial achievement, they did not count toward her thesis. Neal was first author in both the paper and the review, and they would go into his dissertation. Meg had been contrite. The allure of publication had perhaps kept her from pushing Emma to focus on her thesis. After all, Cassidy had not published a single article until Emma had started working with him. Fortuitously for Emma, the committee meeting had coincided with the return of Killian and Elsa from Palmer. Within three months of transitioning from Neal to Elsa's mentorship, Emma had made substantial progress on her thesis, more than in the year and half she had worked with Neal.

As a kid frequently shuttled around in the foster system, the first rule Emma learned was to keep her head down; the second was to do more than her allotted share of chores just to avoid the ire of the more unreasonable foster parents and group home matrons. When neither rule worked, she ran. Those deep-seated behavioral patterns were not easy to get out of, even years after she had aged out of the system. Emma now began to see that she had perhaps done more than her fair share of work on Neal's project in an instinctive attempt to keep him wanting her. Emma did not know how much of Neal's behavior had been intentional, and how much was unconscious entitlement, but he certainly had taken advantage of her insecurities. And that bastard had proved her subconscious fears right by cheating on her the minute she'd stopped being of use to him.

Emma's plan was to complete her master's by the upcoming Spring semester and get into a PhD program. One of the schools she had applied to was SUNY Stony Brooke. Neal had a postdoctoral position lined up with Dr. Pangloss Malcolm who was a professor there, and at that time, it had seemed like a good idea for Emma to try to get into the same research group. Emma had considered withdrawing her application after she had broken up with Neal. Pride and a desire to punch back kept her going. She would not change her plans and throw away years of hard work just because yet another person had let her down. And so, she refocused her attention on her goals and doubled down on her efforts.

Emma walked into the lab one afternoon to find Elsa sitting at a lab computer, so focused on her task that she did not hear Emma. When Elsa finally noticed her, she gave a start and hurriedly closed out of the browser windows she'd been perusing.

"They track porn usage on system computers, you know," teased Emma.

"I wasn't looking at porn!" was Elsa's outraged reply.

"Then what were you looking at?" asked Emma suspiciously.

Elsa had the look of a deer caught in the headlights.

"Hey—I was just teasing. You don't have to tell me." She added with a smile, "But they really do track porn."

"I'll keep that in mind," replied Elsa, smirking. A few minutes later, she unexpectedly blurted out, "I'm searching for my sister."

Surprised, Emma turned to look at her friend. "What do you mean?"

"I…have a sister, Anna. I haven't seen her in nearly twenty years. I've no idea where she is, or even if she's alive…"

"How…?" asked Emma.

"Our parents died when we were kids—I was 15 and Anna was 12. Our two aunts Ingrid and Helga took us in. It went okay for a about a year, then they had a huge falling out."

Elsa paused to take a breath and steady herself. She continued, "One day, Aunt Helga took Anna and just disappeared. Ingrid contacted the police, and we found that they'd left Norway. I've never seen her since…"

Elsa's voice broke and she started crying.

"Oh, Elsa! I'm so sorry…" said Emma, and reaching out, hugged her, patting her on the back comfortingly.

After a while, Elsa, quieted down and wiped her eyes with Kim-wipes Emma brought her. "Sorry, I couldn't find any tissues."

"This is fine," said Elsa. "Thank you. And I'm sorry for getting all emotional."

"Don't apologize! You've been there for me when I needed support. The least I can do is listen to you in turn."

Elsa thanked her again. But before she could continue, the lab door opened, and come students walked in, chatting loudly.

Emma glanced at them, and back at Elsa. She murmured, "Why don't we skip out of lab and grab dinner early? Do you have any experiments running right now that you can't absolutely abandon?"

Elsa shook her head, giving her a small smile.

Over dinner, she continued her story. "We spent a lot of money over the next few years hiring detectives, contacting Interpol, everything—Helga and Anna were traced entering what used to be the USSR. After that, nothing."

"Couldn't you guys get any information from the authorities there?"

"It was the tail end of the cold war era. It was very hard to get any useful information from them in those days."

"That's so odd. Why do you think your aunt went there?"

"No idea. We could only imagine that Helga had wanted to get as far away as possible from Norway so we wouldn't be able to find them."

"I mean, I understand wanting to get away from people before, but I've never thought of actually skipping the country!" exclaimed Emma.

Elsa huffed out a laugh. "My family tended to be a little dramatic."

"Every couple of years, I still engage detectives to look for my sister. But, it's been a long time now, and the trail's gone cold. They could be anywhere in the world!"

"Have you tried online databases or forums? There's bound to be something on missed connections or missing relatives." (Emma did not reveal that she might have done some scouring of her own looking for her birth parents).

"I've spend hours and hours trawling message boards, but nothing yet."

"Is that what you were doing on the computer?"

Elsa nodded.

"And is your aunt Ingrid still in Norway?"

"She passed away a few years ago."

Emma shook her head in commiseration. "I've never had any family. But it must be harder to have family and then lose it."

"They're both hard in different ways. My pain doesn't invalidate yours, Emma," said Elsa.

"I guess…" After a moment, Emma said, "Have you thought of placing an ad in the major newspapers in Norway?"

"We did that when Helga and Anna first went missing. But we stopped once we found out they'd left the country."

"I can't help but think your sister may be looking for you as well. And the last she knew you were living in Norway."

"That does sound like a good idea. Thank you for the suggestion, Emma."

"You're welcome. At any rate, it can't hurt to try something new."

As she headed home after dinner, Emma couldn't help thinking that she would do better to apply that motto herself in some areas of her own life.


End file.
